That really depends on your situation. If you are committed to resolving your issues outside of court and you feel able to speak up for yourself, in the presence of your spouse, without the aid of an attorney or advocate, mediation might be the best process for you.

If you would feel more comfortable having an attorney present with you in any negotiations or settlement meetings, but would be willing to agree to keep the matter out of court, the collaborative process could work best for you.

If you or your spouse cannot be in the same room with each other, or one of you refuses to negotiate or make any efforts to settle, or if there is a history of domestic violence, or serious power imbalance in your marriage then the more traditional litigated approach is best-suited, and you'll need a lawyer to represent you in court.

In mediation we meet together in a number of sessions until we have resolved all issues. We tackle the issues one at a time by gathering information, identifying conflict and brainstorming options to resolve the differences. The more creative you can be, the better your chances of finding a solution that satisfies both of you. The culmination of mediation is usually a signed separation agreement. Before the agreement is signed you should both have it reviewed by separate attorneys. Even though your mediator may be a lawyer, he or she is not acting as an attorney for either one of you. And even though the mediator may give you legal information during the course of mediation that is not the same as being given your legal rights. It is important for you to know those rights before you sign a separation agreement. This protects against either one of you trying to have the agreement set aside in the future because you did not know your rights. There are many lawyers who act as review attorneys, who understand your wish not to turn your divorce into a war and who will advise you of your legal rights and responsibilities.

In the Collaborative Process each party meets first with their attorney to give an overview of the marriage, children, earnings and assets. The attorneys may speak to each other before the first scheduled "4-way" meeting (with the two clients and two lawyers) to discuss an agenda. At the first 4-way this agenda is reviewed with the parties who are free to craft their own agenda. Also, at the first 4-way the parties and the lawyers sign a collaborative agreement, wherein they all pledge that they will not be going to court or threatening to go to court. You can see an example of this agreement at www.collaborativelawny.com . Any and all financial documentation is exchanged voluntarily. The goal, similar to mediation, is to reach a settlement of all issues that is good for both parties. If you and your spouse are ultimately unable to reach a resolution of all matters, and you have to resort to the courts, you both must hire separate attorneys.

In the traditional, litigated representation there are a couple of different ways to start. Even though you and your spouse have chosen not to mediate and not to collaborate, it doesn't necessarily mean you have to go to war. After being retained, if it seems appropriate, we may start by sending your spouse what we call a "friendly letter". This letter will assure your spouse that you are interested in having an amicable settlement, and that your lawyer strives to do the same. We ask your spouse to contact me, or have his or her lawyer contact me so that we may begin to work out the details of a settlement. If your spouse, or your spouse's attorney, does not respond to the friendly letter, we will have to commence an action for divorce in Supreme Court and have him or her served by a process server. At that point he or she has 20 days to respond, and the proceedings progress from there to conclusion. If possible and appropriate, it is very likely that, at some point, we all get together for a 4-way meeting. The advantage of the 4-way is that you can both listen to each other and try to understand each other. When people understand each other, even if they don't agree, at least they are not angry and are better able to come up with a resolution of their differences. Understanding is also key in mediation and collaborative law.

You should begin to gather whatever financial information you can. You will need at least two years of tax returns, recent pay stubs, and any and all documentation of your assets and debts. This includes brokerage account statements, IRA and other retirement account statements, life insurance statements, etc. You may ultimately need to have your house, apartment, business and pensions appraised. You and your spouse are entitled to full financial disclosure from each other and will likely be exchanging sworn affidavits of net worth, no matter which process you choose.

This is the kind of problem that may make your case inappropriate for mediation. Mediation requires full disclosure and honest sharing of information. Most of the couples with whom I work have owned joint assets for many years, and feel confident that they know what the other has. If there is a suspicion that one person is hiding assets, you may need to hire a lawyer. The adversarial process is better at finding hidden assets, and a lawyer will help you to force your wife to reveal (at least to you) the value of her business.

Of course, in mediation, the information about your wife's family business will remain confidential. If she realizes that the alternative is litigation, which could render the valuation information public, she may agree to hire an accountant to value her business interest so that a fair division will be done upon your divorce, and the information can remain confidential.

Divorce is one of the most traumatic transitions individuals can experience. The end of a marriage can feel like a failed dream, where one or both parties are usually very hurt; when children are part of the marriage, they can also suffer.

Traditionally, the route towards divorce involves each party engaging an attorney to represent their best interests. In our system, this means each party has engaged someone to "win" for them. By the very nature of the system, the negotiations are almost always confrontational. When most divorces are finalized, one party may feel they have won while the other party may feel they have lost. Sometimes the decision by a judge imposes a settlement that neither party is happy with, but having gone to court they must follow the decision.

Mediation is an alternative route towards divorce in which both parties are present with a mediator. The parties themselves, with the mediator's help, come up with a mutually satisfactory settlement arrangement. Even if the parties are hostile to each other, a settlement that meets emotional and financial needs can usually be found. In fact, mediation can lay the groundwork for a sustained and workable interaction between the two for what is, frequently, a lifelong, post-divorce relationship.

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Divorce Mediation is the other, better way to get a divorce.

Until recently, all matters concerning legal separation and divorce had to be handled by different attorneys for each spouse. But now, through the process of divorce mediaton, you and your spouse will become decision-making partners, rather than opposing parties in the court room.

With the assistance of a specially trained, impartial mediator, you will mutually identify and resolve the key issues related to your separation and divorce including:
- Division of marital property and debts
- Child support and spousal support
- Custody, visitation and shared decision-making for your children

Under the guidance and assistance of a mediator, you and your spouse will identify and discuss all of the issues that need to be addressed in your Separation or Divorce Agreement, including:

• Spousal support
• Child support
• Distribution of assets and debts
• Parenting arrangements
• Tax implications

In order for you to be able to make informed decisions, the mediator ensures that there is full disclosure of all necessary financial information. If necessary, the mediator may suggest consultations with other professionals such as appraisers, accountants, financial planners, and mental health providers.

After the issues are identified and discussed, the mediator will assist you in exploring and developing creative and fair solutions that meet both your needs, as well as the needs of your children. Mediation is a completely voluntary process and you are never pressured to settle. The mediation concludes when you are both completely satisfied with your agreement.

When all of the issues are resolved, a written agreement is prepared by an attorney. Before signing it, many people often choose to have the agreement reviewed by their attorney for a second opinion. Once signed, the agreement becomes a legally enforceable document which can be incorporated into a divorce judgment

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Divorce mediation is a voluntary process whereby a couple meets with a neutral third party, the mediator, who facilitates discussion and helps the couple come to an agreement that is satisfactory to both. The couple meets with the mediator in one- or two-hour sessions during which all three discuss the various issues that need to be addressed (e.g., child and/or spousal support, parenting arrangements, and the division of assets and debts). Once an agreement is reached, a separation agreement that incorporates the terms of the couple's understanding is prepared. This separation agreement is submitted to the court when a divorce proceeding is initiated and becomes part of the divorce decree. When the parties agree to the divorce (an uncontested divorce), neither one needs to go to court.

Mediation is better than traditional adversarial proceedings in many ways. Because the parties are in control of the process and make all the decisions, there is a greater likelihood that they will be satisfied with the outcome. Further, in mediation, the parties can spend as much or as little time as they wish on each issue; courts do not have the time to fully explore the parties' particular needs or to fashion the best possible solutions in any given case. Mediation is premised on open communication and the possibility of win/win outcomes; such an outlook provides a strong foundation for future co-parenting, if there are children, and preserves the dignity of both parties.

Although Andrea is an attorney, and can provide legal information to both parties, she does not act as an advocate for either party. If either party wishes to consult with an attorney during the mediation process, he or she is free to do so, and, at a minimum, should consult with an attorney before signing the separation agreement or any other legal document.

While mediation is appropriate for many people, there are some situations in which it might not be advisable. One such situation would be when domestic violence is present.

Mediation is much less expensive and much quicker than traditional adversarial proceedings, even where each party's lawyer has a view towards settling the matter. Although every case is different, many cases can be completed in four to six two-hour sessions. Moreover, in mediation, as opposed to a traditional divorce, no retainer (deposit) is required for the work to begin; rather, payment is made at the conclusion of each mediation session.

Throughout the mediation process, the mediator remains a neutral party. This means that the mediator is not acting as advocate, judge, or jury. Rather, the mediator's purpose is to assist the parties in identifying and clarifying the issues that must be resolved. He or she will help to develop a constructive dialogue that examines each issue with a focus on the parties' needs, interests, and priorities.

The mediator is a neutral person that helps the parties come to a settlement. The mediator does this by channeling emotions during meetings using several skills to keep the parties moving forward. Among these mediation skills are restating positions so they can be heard more readily by the other party, keeping the focus on what is most important (e.g. the well-being of the children), and pointing out hidden issues which the couple must resolve.

In addition to the benefits of a more civil relationship between the divorcing individuals, there is the important benefit to the children of the marriage. While children almost always experience divorce negatively, the trauma of divorce on the kids can often be minimized if they see their parents talking and working toward a common goal while treating each other with respect.

Another benefit of mediation is lowered cost. Mediators typically charge less per hour (initial consultation is free) than attorneys and there are generally fewer billed hours. A two-hour mediation costs 2 hours of time. That same conversation with an attorney might cost significantly more given there will be two attorneys (one for each spouse), plus billable hours spent conversing with the client and opposing counsel.

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Until recently, all matters concerning legal separation and divorce had to be handled by different attorneys for each spouse. But now there is a better way to end a marriage: DIVORCE MEDIATION.

Through the process of mediation, you and your spouse will become decision-making partners, rather than opposing parties in the court room.

Mediating couples are encouraged to find WIN-WIN solutions, so that each participant and each member of the family come out winners.

Family Mediation is a process where issues that are disrupting the family are heard in the presence of a neutral party so that constructive solutions to problems can be found.

Sometimes there are issues relating to relationships between parents and children (especially teen-agers). These can include differences with regard to curfews, friendships, and jobs. Other areas open for mediation are as serious as shared parenting time with a former spouse while others are also serious but seem mundane such as where to take the family vacation.

You may not be separating or divorcing, yet find a need for family mediation. For example mediation is frequently helpful during times of transition such as when a former spouse/child's parent and co-caregiver is remarrying or when children become teens and start asserting their independence.

There are many family issues that could positively benefit from the communication a mediator facilitates. Mediation assists in keeping relationships (spouse to spouse; parent and children; siblings; extended and stepfamilies...) amicable through increased communication, reducing potential stress and resentment.

As with marital or divorce mediation, this is a voluntary process which gives parents/caregivers and children the opportunity to communicate matters of concern and potential conflict before they become matters which can irreparably harm a relationship. Mediation helps you sort out the future in the best way possible for you, your partner, children, parents, and any other family members involved in your day-to-day life. If family mediation is appropriate and is your choice, the mediator will then meet with all of you together. Problems are identified and possible solutions explored. As always, the goal of mediation is to achieve practical, workable arrangements that are acceptable to all concerned.

Yes. At the beginning of the mediation process, each party is advised to hire independent counsel to advise and consult with throughout the mediation process. The number of hours each party's attorney spends as a consultant is usually significantly less than would have been spent during adversarial negotiations or court proceedings. At the end of the mediation, if the parties have settled on the terms for a separation agreement, the attorney mediator drafts the agreement. Each party then has his or her attorney review the agreement.

The mediator's role is to facilitate the couple coming to an agreement. This agreement is then summarized in a Memorandum of Understanding ("MOU"). An attorney then converts the MOU into a legal Separation Agreement. It is usually recommended that each party have a separate mediation-friendly attorney to review the Separation Agreement. The review attorney's role is not to 'rubber stamp' the agreement, but to read it on behalf of their client to see if there are any problems with the settlement. At that point, one of the attorneys files the separation agreement with the courts.

The divorce mediator is specifically trained to help couples with communication problems.

Divorce mediation is an alternative to adversarial proceedings or negotiations. All issues that would normally be addressed in adversarial proceedings or negotiations(child and spousal support, parenting arrangements, division of marital assets, tax implications) are discussed by the parties. Neither party should need to relinquish any of his or her entitlements, but instead of litigating issues, you and your spouse privately work through your differences with the goal of reaching an agreement that will best serve your present and future needs.

Yes. Divorce mediation is a voluntary process. This means that both you and your spouse must be willing participants. If you or your spouse are not happy with the progress of the mediation, either one of you can withdraw at any time.

Not all couples are suited for divorce mediation. For a mediation to be successful, both parties must make their voices heard. In situations where there are serious power imbalances between spouses, divorce mediation may not be appropriate. At the initial session as well as during the course of the mediation, the trained mediator together with the parties will assess the suitability of the couple for mediation. Also true is that the process itself can be an empowering one and that a spouse who at first may perceive himself or herself at a disadvantage actually develops or discovers strong bargaining skills.

Yes. Divorce mediation is not appropriate for all couples. For example, divorce mediation is not recommended in situations involving domestic violence. It is also not appropriate when one spouse overpowers the other or refuses to participate honestly. In addition, if one spouse refuses to divulge all financial information or fails to cooperate with the mediator's guidelines, mediation is not appropriate.

Through divorce mediation, you and your spouse privately work through your differences and make decisions about your present and future needs. Generally, this process facilitates communication, promotes cooperation, reduces tension, and makes the inevitable separation easier. Divorce mediation is also a cost-effective alternative to traditional divorce litigation.

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• It is much less costly than a traditional divorce. Mediation is generally charged on an hourly basis with no up-front retainer fees, paid a the conclusion of each session. Individual situations vary, but mediation can often be completed in six to twelve sessions, with a traditional divorce can go on for years. Both parties usually share the cost of the mediation, which is far less costly than paying tow separate attorneys to represent each spouse in the court room.
• It is empowering. Mediation empowers individuals to solve the problems which affect their lives. Sutides have shown that couples who mediate are better able to cooperate in the future.
• It is mutual. In mediation, both parties agree on all solutions or there is on agreement. In a litigated divorce, the agreement is imposed by a judge in court. Couples who mediate have been show to be more satisfied with their divorce and therefore more likely to fulfill the terms of their agreement.
• It serves the best intrusts of the children. The children of couples in mediated divorces are typically exposed to less tension and conflict in the home than children whose parents are in a litigated divorce.
• It provides WIN-WIN solutions. Mediating couples are encouraged to find win-win solutions, rather than solutions in which one party wins and the other loses. With win-win results each participant and the entire family come out winning.

Sessions usually last one to two hours. The number of sessions varies depending on the complexity of the issues and the needs of the parties. Successful mediations usually take from three to 10 sessions.

After all issues have been resolved, you decisions will be drafted by an attorney into a separation agreement. Once properly signed, this document will become legally binding and may be filed in court a as the basis of an uncontested divorce.