Mediation is an approach to a dispute which lets you keep full control of the outcome. The only people making decisions are those involved in the dispute, unlike arbitration or litigation where a judge or an arbiter makes the final decision. Mediation typically consists of several joint meetings between spouses (or parents, if you are not married) which last 3-4 hours each. During those meetings, you and your spouse discuss the issues which need to be resolved in your case. The mediator is there to facilitate the discussion, assist with communication, provide information and suggestions, and use their specialized training to assist the two of you to resolve your differences and write up an agreement which is fair to both of you, and, if you have children, in their best interests as well.

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Divorce mediation is a non-adversarial means to resolve issues raised in a divorce or legal separation. Such issues include property division, spousal and child support, child custody and visitation. The parties meet jointly with a mediator to learn of their rights and responsibilities to themselves and their spouse. The contemplated result is a written agreement encompassing a resolution of all of the issues of the marriage. Mediation can be used by couples at any stage of the separation and divorce process - even couples who have previously divorced through the court system and wish to resolve new problems.

Mediation is the most practical and healthy choice for a person to make when facing a divorce. It helps you avoid the stress of litigation, saves you money, and helps you put the unpleasantness of divorce behind you as quickly and peacefully as possible.

Mediation allows the divorcing couple an objective forum in which to discuss their individual needs and work out a settlement of property, support, custody and visitation issues. The parties meet and work together with the mediator towards a settlement that is fair and agreeable to both parties. The settlement is then put in the form of a written agreement by the mediator. The written settlement agreement is then reviewed by another attorney of each party's choice and is processed through the court by that attorney without the need for intervention by the court.

Mediation is cheaper because it's faster and more direct. Most people come to mediation willing to work on the issues and to learn how to communicate better. That willingness translates into a less expensive divorce because resolving a case is almost always cheaper than taking it to trial. Rather than speaking through lawyers, you speak with each other (with the mediator's help, of course) about your goals and issues. Even if lawyers are involved with your mediation, they aren't spending hours and hours in court waiting for the judge to be free to hear your trial or billing for endless back-and-forth phone calls about the smallest details of your case. Consequently, their fees are typically much lower than in a case which is brought to court to litigate.

Mediation is more effective because:

1. you get a chance to fully discuss an issue before you agree on it
2. you can try out agreements before the judge makes the divorce final
3. you learn to communicate better which makes new and old issues less likely to turn into arguments, or worse still, days in court
4. you can take time in between each appointment to think about whether or not a proposed solution makes sense
5. if you need to change a solution before finalizing your divorce in court you can do it quickly and easily

If you are willing to try to learn to talk to each other, then it's worthwhile to try mediation. Mediators have been professionally trained to help people to build agreements and to learn to communicate with each other. If you're willing to try, mediators can get you talking.

Many mediators offer an initial consultation so that you can meet the mediator, ask questions about mediation, and decide if you'd like to try using mediation to settle your divorce or Family Law matter. The mediator or Dispute Resolution Associate will explain the process, and you can ask any questions that you wish.

The actual Mediation process involves sitting down at a table in a neutral location where both parties will have the opportunity to present their stories in a balanced and non-confrontational way. There are only two steadfast rules, and you can add additional ground-rules if you like:

1. One person speaks at a time.
2. No name-calling.

Everything flows from there in an orderly and organized fashion. Each person gets a chance to tell their side, and typically you'll decide together with the mediator who goes first and how long they speak. You can respond to what the other person says, but you will wait until it's your turn to speak. Next, the mediator typically will make a list of the issues and decide which to discuss first. You'll work through each issue until there are no more issues left, writing up your agreements as you go.

Sometimes, people find they need more information before they can make an agreement or before the session can continue. When that happens, the mediator can either go on to another issue, or stop the session and make another appointment, so that you'll have time to gather the information you need, or speak to your accountant, lawyer, or other advisor(s). Mediation works best when people don't feel rushed to make an agreement and when they have all of the information they need to make a good agreement.

You can always stop mediating and begin litigating. Most mediators believe that's almost never the right solution, because of the stress and toll it takes on your and your family (not to mention the expense), but it's always an option.

All couples who are divorcing or splitting up (if not married) are good candidates for mediation provided:

1. there has been no domestic violence for which the perpetrator refuses treatment. If there has been domestic violence, and the victim and perpetrator have received treatment, we can still mediate but with specific safety provisions in place. If this is your situation, please let us know.
2. both spouses are willing to try to resolve their issues in good faith
3. both spouses agree to be honest about their financial situation and intentions regarding children. California law requires that spouses make a full financial disclosure to each other during a divorce, and we will help negotiate how that disclosure will be made, if this is an issue between you.
4. if there has traditionally been unequal bargaining power between the spouses, both spouses may wish to have an attorney with them at the mediation session. It's a mediator's job to make sure the discussion is balanced.

Even if you cannot agree on everything, you will probably be able to agree on some things. Each issue that you resolve in mediation translates into less time in court, less legal fees and less aggravation for you. And, for those issues you could not agree upon, at least you understand what those issues are, and where you stand. At the very least, you will feel like you tried your best to reach an agreement before resorting to court intervention.

Sometimes new information, proposed solutions, or the passage of time makes it possible to resolve a previous disagreement, so even if you don't resolve your issue immediately, you may be able to resolve it a week or two later, without having to go to court. Because mediation is flexible, you're free to schedule an additional appointment at any time. You're also free to stop the mediation at any time if you don't feel you're making progress toward resolution.

Courts

• Lengthy & time consuming. Much of the money you spend on legal fees will be for time waiting in court;
• Scheduling conflicts between courts and litigants cause expensive delays;
• Judges have little time to hear the details of your case, often less than 5 minutes, because they are often assigned more than 30 cases per day (each);
• You may only get a minute or two to testify about your case, if you get to testify at all;
• You can't predict the outcome of your case because it depends on a virtual stranger making the decisions for you;
• You may have to make decisions about settlement in a split second in a crowded hallway;
• No confidentiality - all court files are public records. Soon, they will be available online;
• Costly--each hour your lawyer spends waiting, you pay, even if no progress on your case is made;
• Stressful;
• Courts by their adversarial nature encourage combat, which is not conducive to a health family life after the legal proceedings are over.

Mediation

• Faster because you determine the schedule and issues;
• Cost-effective because you control the cost, which is usually about 1/10 to 1/3 the cost of a typical divorce case;
• Less Stressful because you make the decisions that you'll be living with;
• You control the outcome, and because of this, agreements made in mediation typically work better and are more thoughtful and detailed than those negotiated in the courthouse hallway minutes before a divorce trial;
• You have the flexibility of taking time to consider how a decision will affect your family in the long term. You can try out agreements before you sign the Judgment or Agreement;
• Confidential - so confidential, in fact, California law prohibits mediators from testifying in court;
• Healthier for your and your family, since part of mediation is learning to communicate better, which is especially important when children are involved.
• You can always go to court if it doesn't work;